Rollercoaster, Random Gripes and Reality with a purpose

Mark 1: 29-39

On leaving the synagogue Jesus entered the house of Simon and Andrew with James and John. Simon's mother-in-law lay sick with a fever. They immediately told him about her. He approached, grasped her hand, and helped her up. Then the fever left her and she waited on them.

I remember reading this passage from the bible when I was little and thinking... must be nice to wave the hand and have people serve you.

Yesterday, Mass was an emotional rollercoaster for me. I had just woken from a 2 hour nap. It was more of a two hour crash. I don't know how I pulled it off. I came home from the grocery store and just shut down and crawled in bed and people left me alone. I was still sleepy entering church at the last minute and was told they needed help serving Eucharist. I love serving Eucharist and this woke me up.

Mass started with the annual, third time presenting, CDA fund drive. It's a Diocese way to pull money together and support 70 charities diocese wide. Sounds good enough. However, this year they added Catholic Tuition Scholarships as one of the charities. This is a pet peeve down to my soul the whole Catholic Tuition Scholarship stuff. The other charities serve homeless, poor, working poor, elderly, abortion counseling and healing, foster care and now they add tuition scholarships? I have always spoken up loudly about how I don't think it is right to have a tax credit go to private education. I know of families that are just as well off financially or better than Paul and I whose kids attend Catholic schools on scholarships purely through the tax credit program. They tell me how to get the scholarship directed towards their children legally. If they were to get rid of the tax credit and want to set up a scholarship fund that would be fine with me. What irritates me about the CDA is once the money is pulled together the board is in control of where the money goes from there and are scholarships a dire need like the other organizations? Soap box-- I know but many agree with me.

So when my husband says, "hand me the check book", I'm ticked. At him, no; at me, yes. It's his money too. I believe all should serve how they need to serve and desire with out fear. All I wanted to do was shout-- You idiot.. don't you listen to me? Don't you believe? And then I realize. I'm the one with the problem. He needs to be who he is and he allows for me to be my way. I didn't want to let go of my anger and that is why I was so angry with myself. Tears started down my face and wouldn't stop. I knew he was sitting there feeling like he shot me in my heart but I couldn't stop crying. He thought it must have been directed at him but I didn't give him any indication in my spitefulness that it wasn't him. (I'm human)

I then realized I only had two readings and a gospel to get my act together to be able to serve our precious Lord to the people. The only saving grace at this point I thought was they assigned me to the other side of church so if I could quit crying then maybe I wouldn't distract the minds recieving wondering what the "heck" my problem was. At this point I was begining to wonder too.


Here comes the Gospel.

Mark 1: 29-39

On leaving the synagogue Jesus entered the house of Simon and Andrew with James and John. Simon's mother-in-law lay sick with a fever. They immediately told him about her. He approached, grasped her hand, and helped her up. Then the fever left her and she waited on them.


Great for once I get it. He cured her so she could fulfill His purpose. She waited on them. She had a purpose. God's will. Isn't that what it is all about? It's not serving man but God. Hello- Meags. Oh, what a pity party I had been going on in my head all week.

Boys sick again. Every three hours get up to give treatments. Kiddos not doing their work. Students not over the superbowl game yet. Worried about my, fighting for her life friend, Martha. Legislature cuts could mean that I have to go work at another school. Giving money to catholic schools. My book didn't end the way I wanted it to end. I don't want to get up, I don't want to nag, I don't want to keep working on social skills, I don't want to leave Gilbert Elementary. I want the characters to live happily ever after.

But the words of Mark come and heal.

Purpose. What is the purpose? His purpose. (Tears start flowing again) I am working for Him. Keeping my boys as healthy as I can. Not giving up on my students and giving them skills for life. Being a friend to Martha. Letting my kind husband serve God his way. Reflecting on the book opened my heart to His word.

God has given us free will and with it I can go astray at times but He is so good a few words can slap me back to the purpose.

The character in my book did have a happy ending. She helped mend the souls of those around her and gave her daughter great opportunities to continue in life with purpose. She was healed to do his work. Her work fininished too soon for me. She did God's work and now she lives with God. I wanted her to do God's work and live with me.

Martha, my friend, my teacher, my children's teacher, is serving His will. I ask each day to serve His will. God will heal and I will trust.

God place me where my will will be Yours. God, please gently remind all my friends and not so friends to trust in You and place them to do Your will.

Getting my act together and wanting to tell all around me that I'm ok. I pull myself together in time to serve the Lord. I have a conversation with Martha about the Gospel in my heart. I go happily to the altar to serve.

God came and answered me quickly that I'm on the right path again. Just as I think I'm done serving ... Joe... Martha's husband walks up to be served.

Thank you.