Meet Ms. Happy

I have been keeping my journal since Lent and done a pretty good job. Now that it is summer I like to start keeping up with my friend's post and post some of my own.

Wondering about Ms. Happy.... you'll have to read on....

I've been in transition depression lately. What is that? I had it my whole year of my last year at Webster Elementary School. I think others may identify. It's when you are engaged in whatever you are to be engaged in that you are wonderfully normal, productive, focused and with it. BUT... when you are in between roles, tasks, events etc. that you fall apart and get overwhelmed. Example... I wake up in the morning fine. Wake up the kids, see if anyone has needs, take care of them, get myself ready all is hunky dory then.... Time to get in the car.... time to change roles.... I'm now 1/3 mom, 1/3 teacher, 1/3 psychopath. Then when I walk into my classroom and the bell rings I'm now normal, productive, focused and with it and super teacher. BUT the bell has to ring again at sometime and then I become 1/3 teacher , 1/3 mom, 1/3 psychopath. Get home and then I'm normal again.

Unfortunately lately the transitions have been frequent and a blur. My wonderful kiddos had concert after concert, awards ceremony after award ceremony, Paul had a birthday, Girls had a girl scout honor, getting ready for confirmation/ communion, building roller coasters with the class, finishing social studies projects, dreaming up one last writing project, refusing to give sitdown and shutup sheets and movies, my heart literally on Thursday morning when I was trying to get to my daughter's promotion ceremony hurt... BUT my friend Shannon gave me a hug and I could breathe. Thanks Shannon.

My dad came to pick me up to take me to the ceremony and I couldn't talk. ME couldn't talk. Transition depression once again. Once I was in the stands I could talk, breathe, laugh, sing, visit all the parents. Once I was in the car to leave it hit again. I made it through the rest of the emotional roller coaster of a day with knowing I have wonderful friends and family. At three I took my daughter to her first boy/girl party and realized my heart stopped aching. Just as I was headed back to work my phone rang... here comes Ms. Happy. My dad said come by for five minutes I need to see you. Normally this would have started another transition depression but it felt right.

I went to Dad's house and he was singing on his guitar a Johnny Cash song and was in a sly mood I could feel it. For Mother's day and Maria's promotion he gave us the right to use his guitar for some lessons this summer. I want to learn Proud Mary, They'll know we are Christians, Peace Prayer and He's got the Whole World in His hands. When he was finished I gave him my usual standing ovation and kuddos and then he handed me the guitar. It's yours. What's this for? I just want to see you happy. It is a beautiful acoustic guitar with a different color cast. She's beautiful. I got acquainted with her for about an 1/2 an hour and then realized I was on my way back to work and then said who cares. Then I remembered Zipps and friends were waiting. I zipped over to Zipps. Earned about 100 mingle points then sat back and enjoyed watching everyone. I went to get Maria and then headed back to my new guitar.

Her name Ms. Happy.

I learned one song last night and woke up this morning to play it rather well still. Lessons begin on Wednesday and Dad says I'm not to learn anymore or I might have to undo too much of self teaching.

I'm in huge unknown transition right now about where I'll teach next year but yesterday was the first day that I didn't feel my heart hurt. I think I know that wherever or whatever I'm doing I'll be OK. I always am. I just got to let go of the visualization that I usually obsess about. I'll focus on Ms. Happy and lessons, my new keyboard and lesson, and my vacation in Utah in July. Of course, I have a new job as chauffeur for the summer as well, but I kinda like that it involves my wonderful children.