Super Mom ( and Dad) is (are) Back

Well, when you seek;you will find, ask; you shall receive. God is so good. What a week.

Last Sunday, we sat as a family and came up with a week plan. Lately, almost always, the kids wait for mom to help, wait for mom to answer, wait for mom to solve, wait for mom to act, etc.

Phas been feeling down about all this. He is quite capable but the kids bypass him. We met as a family on Sunday and filled out the weeks events, etc. It was going to be a complicated week and very busy. P and I first had a good 1.5 hour talk to see how we could help each other and help the kids to seek him out as well.

We set "office" hours for help with homework. This was to encourage the kids to seek out dad as well as mom for those must need help times. We planned the meals and each of the older kids picked a night they'd be in charge. We outsourced "babysitting" for K and C for the the mornings and afternoons I had meetings so the older ones were free of distractions to get their homeowork done. We confirmed that Dad and Mom were going to go visit a family counselor on Thursday to begin an 8 session family counseling counselor. Dynamics have been off and we felt a neutral person to step in and let us explore how normal we are and how if we all just thought a little less self we'd be just fine.

Sunday, P and I prayed for strength for the week. ( seek and find part, ask and receive)

On Monday, I had to take a half a day to get Maria in for some dental work. (Plan already off course.) I get to school to find out a student doesn't know it's his last day and I need to figure out a way to support him and let him know and let the class say goodbye. Nick who was experiencing a cold over the weekend called at the end of the school day and said... "mom, I feel horrible... please come get me" "Pack up K and C, no work to be done today after school."

Dinner was ready and on time that night thanks to the prep work of Maria.

Tuesday, N is sick. He's miserable starting to cough and wheeze. Bills are due and new bills come in. Somehow our insurance thought that they didn't need to pay 4 different people over $4,000 of N's extra expenses this summer, ultra sounds, x rays, anesthesiologist. I grin and bare it and call all them and the insurance with assurance that it will be taken care of. I get to A's football game for 10 minutes. Enough for him to wave and see that I showed up. Take the rest to violin lessons, make sure N is being taken care of. The kids that went to violin are praised for the great work they did this past week. In the Suzuki method this is translated to "good work, Mom" P has dinner ready when we all get home and settles in for office hours.

Nk starts getting worse. Fever, cough, asthma , every two hours needing treatments. By midnight I'm convinced it is pneumonia not just asthma. 4 a.m. Pl takes him to the ER. The mom in me wants to take him but Paul loving looks at me and says, "please I need to do this. They need to know Dad can do this too." God love him. Of course, I had to wake him at 4 a.m. to tell him N was sick.

Long story short, N was admitted to the hospital by 7 a.m. We just got him home 4 hours ago. (4 day stay)

The rest of the week's plans were shot but wow how amazing. Everyone, including K and C knew how complicated the week was and everyone, pitched in to make sure Mom or Dad could do their share of helping Nick and being the single parent for the others. We only ordered pizza once and the rest was provided by our preparedness and cooperation.

I did have a hissy fit Wednesday night before I left for the hospital but we survived. The family counselor, somewhat skeptical about reason for cancelling, said please call next week and reschedule. I will, but this time, I think I will be excited to have great news to share about how we can pull off caring for each other and I think the kids will have some fresh memories of how "family" is so important.

I played Old Maid with K and C for an hour tonight. I then announced, " I played for an hour, this supermom is going to sit her bottom in the bathtub with a book" I locked the door and took a 20 minute bath with no interuptions. (Andy is at a friends, Maria is at my parents, P read to the girls and N is too busy watching t.v.)

What a crazy week and so will be the next but God saw us looking and once again all we needed was provided. He is so good.

My Space

Warning... this may create some images of me you may not want to experience.

This morning I got up early and decided to sneak out before the troops got up. I needed to get up and drop off some juice to the Atrium for a day of reflection I was blowing off to help my boys clean out their room. I also needed to pick up something real quick from Alltel. As I was rolling out of the driveway, C came running with shoes and hopped in the car. So much for any alone time today.

We delivered the juice and had about an hour to kill before the Alltel store opened so I decided to buy my dad a cup of coffee and a donut and go hang with him before braving the front at home. My dad and I had a nice chat over coffee and donuts but of course, wee ears were around so I couldn't have real adult talk. I mentioned to my dad I started a blog after C mentioned the pizza story to him . He said, " Is it like you don't have a million other things to do with your time?" I replied curtly, "Maybe it's therapeutic."

Three hours later... after a major family argument, helping the boys in the garage sorting their junk, etc. I proclaimed, " I need a little down time and am going to take a bath."

I got the newspaper, a tall glass of water, some fruit with cottage cheese and closed the door to my bedroom and headed for my space... my peace... my relaxation.


Three seconds later... pulling up a chair, K brought the book Are You My Mother? and started to read it to me. I totally ignored her and read the newspaper, never looked up, never glanced her way.

Two minutes later... ( in the back ground.... looking at the tree he asked... Are you my mother?) In walks A, "Mom, can I have some V-8 Infusion?, Mom, mom, mom, mom,.... mom... mom... can I have some V-8 Infusion?. I totally ignore him and finish the comics, never looked up, never glanced his way.

One minute later... ( in the back ground... snarf... snarf.... snort... Are you my mother?..... Mom, mom, can I have some V-8 Infusion?) In walks, C. She sits herself upon the toilet grunting, "A, she won't answer you. Give her some privacy." I totally ignore them and eat my cottage cheese and fruit. C finishes up leaving a present due to no flush and C and A leave. I never looked up, never glanced their way.

One minute later... ( in the back ground... YOU ARE MY MOTHER. I knew you where my mother...) In walks M, "Mom, there is a movie showing tonight at 7:4o can I call my friend and see if we can meet at Streamers, come home, go to church then go to the movie... Mom, Mom, What do you think? M plops herself on the floor and watches me shave my legs. "Is it too much to ask? Mom.... mom..." I totally ignore her, finish my cottage cheese and fruit.

Less than a minute later... ( K walks out. M still stays plopped on the floor. ) N walks in. "Hey Mom, I'm finished when will you be ready to help again? Can we take out the bunk beds this weekend?" I totally ignore him, shave my pits and contemplate doing a monthly breast exam.

I warned you about the images.


One minute later.... ( M on the floor. N in my bed. ) I drain the tub. I put on some clothes and head out the door of my room.

C, "Hey, mom can I use this gel? Will you help me? "

"Sure." I reach over and help her with her hair.

A, "Hey, mom can I have some V-8 Infusion?"

"Sure."

K "Me, too?"

"Sure."

N " Will you help me now? "

"I need to write something first."

Two minutes later.... writing at my computer.... M, "Hey, Mom... I don't know if you heard me but I was wondering... Can I meet K at streamers, have her over for dinner, take her to church then go to a movie?

"Sure."

20 minutes later.... Dad.... this is why I started a blog.

We're not homeless. I just forgot my shoes.

Today I was talking with some friends and we were talking about poor living conditions that people have to live in. It reminded me about a situation that happened about three or four years ago.

My husband was out of town and the kids and I were in the "Dad-is-out-of-town-mode". This is where you let dishes sit, eat mac-n-cheese and not care too much about what is going on when I realized we were running late for violin lessons. "Everyone, head to the van!"

We all ran to the car in scummy clothes, in fact one girl had on only a long t shirt. Our faces were not washed and we were only half fed.

After lessons, which ran real late, I said, "Hey kids lets go eat junk food at Los Favoritos." We never had done this and I thought who cares if we make it to bed on time etc.

We got to Los Favoritos and I realized I forgot my purse at home in our rush out. I got the emergency $5 out of hiding and some change. We get inside and study the menu intensely to see what we can get for 5 bucks and some change. We decided we'd share some nachos. I noticed you could for a $1 more get beef added to the nachos. Very enthusiastically, I proclaimed, "Tonight's our lucky night. We can get meat on the nachos." We all started saying "Meat.. Meat.. Meat"

The six of us huddled around a table. K and C sitting on the table. We scarfed the nachos. As any big family knows you eat fast so you get more. Eating slow gets you nothing. When we were finished, we we were still "hungry". I looked at the kids and said, "You know I don't have any more money."

The kids said that there was more change in the van.

Two of the kids went out to the van and dug up more change. We laid it all out and figured we had enough for a second helping of nachos. I teased, "Too, bad kiddos, not enough for meat this time."

We ate the nachos and giggled and laughed. We realized C didn't have pants on. She left her pants in the car. (Probably another very interesting story.)

We headed to the car and this nice Muslim man approached me very respectful with his head slightly bowed and said, " Excuse me mam, can I talk to you?"

I went over to him and he said he didn't want to embarrass me or show any signs of disrespect but he saw that we were hungry and wanted to help. He said he ordered a pizzafor us from the Dominos Pizza we were standing in front of and it would be ready in five minutes. I tried to graciously explain that we were OK --just snacking.

He then approached the children and asked, "Do you love pizza? I have an extra. Please tell your mom it is OK to have the pizza." They all looked at me and I nodded that it would be OK. I didn't know what to do. He was trying to be kind and what he thought helpful. He said to wait a minute and went back in the pizza place. We could see him pointing at us and talking.

I whispered, "I think he thinks we are poor and hungry." I looked at C and noticed for the first time in 2 hours that not only she didn't have pants on she didn't have any shoes on. I asked her where they were. She said she left in a hurry and forgot to wear them. Sheepishly, I said, "With the way we were acting, the way the van looks and we look, he probably thinks we live in our van."

The man comes out and the kids, as instructed, tell him thank you and God Bless. He thanks me for letting him help us and as he walks away. C runs up to him and says,"We're not homeless. I just forgot my shoes." He nods not understanding a word she said and says, "You're welcome"

The pizza person leaves the store and hands us the pizza and says the gentlemen said that this was for the nice family.

We giggled and laughed in the van all the way home. We did pray over the pizza and thanked the gentleman who helped the hungry family that night.

When I got home tonight, I asked the kids if they remembered the pizza man and M and I told the story to my husband as if he never knew it. He kindly listened as we had a fun sharing the story even though it wasn't new.

M told me that she had told a friend about that night and her friends' tag line for her email is -- We're not homeless, I just forgot my shoes C. W.

We may not have been physically hungry that night. We needed spiritual food. How close we felt pigging out over the nachos and how much love was passed by that gentlemen to us was the perfect meal.

His love and reaching out still feeds us today.

In the right context

My son was studying for his first real big test in Jr. High. His idea of studying was fill in the blanks on the worksheet by asking mom what goes in the blank.

I told him that he needed to understand what he was doing that having the blanks filled won't help him with the short answer part. After much arguing and grumbling, we came up with the idea that he could fill in the blanks and study the blanks and picture the words in his head, I would quiz him on the meanings by creating questions that were similar later. He had to do all this for 30 minutes before I would help him.

After about 15 minutes, he started to grumble.

"Mom, I don't get something... I'm trying to understand this question from my notes but I just don't get it. Is there another word for text?"


I answered. "Do you mean like text book? This is your math text book? This is your social studies text book?

"No, it's not like that I still can't picture what my notes say."

"Read me your notes."

"Well it says ... after the French and Indian War the King of England text the colonist."

" Taxed, Son, Taxed. I'm sure glad you were confused and weren't picturing the King of England text messaging the colonist saying way to go kickin' some French and Indian butt."

We all had a great laugh. He says I can share this story with his teacher after the test results come in.

Here goes....

The other day I was thinking in the shower how my father in law use to call me super mom. I was partly insulted and partly flattered by his comments. He has since passed and I ask for his intersessions to bring our family peace. If you knew him this could be quite funny at this moment. Then I got to thinking how patient I use to be... how I would take my kids to the park... read books... work so lovingly with them with their violins... but now....

I then started thinking about some Moms I use to hang with and how we had all these ideals about our children ... my mind kept thinking and longing for the feelings of being the nice family.... the nice mom... the great friend. Certain people came fluttering through my mind... what's wearing us out? Why aren't we the super mom's anymore?

Then God had one of these woman come up to me later that day and say to me remember when we were the great moms. I was so dumbfounded that she said that when I had just been thinking in the shower that morning about it. Someone overheard us talking and and she said what do you mean were super moms?... they have to grow up and the super mom has to change to their needs too.

I have tears coming down my face right now as I hear my children arguing and annoying each other in the background. Why is it that I don't get up and "help" the situation. Is this supermom lazy? Do I need to let them go through this? What does a supermom do in this situation?

Being a supermom to little ones is so much easier than the pre and teen years.

I don't remember acting like this when I was a kid. My mom just smiles when I say this to her. I truly hope there is teen amnesia and family amnesia. I pray that someday our family will just love each other instead of annoy each other.

My sister, mom, dad and I are so strong together and my brother has chosen to be on his own with his family. I don't want this for my children.

Can't we just get along?