Healing

I still don't have a for sure diagnosis but the Doctors seem to think I have this rare thing that is the inflamation of the bladder. Kind of like endimetrosis of the bladder, instead of the uterus. The only way to prove for sure is through biopsies and I have to be having the flare up at the time to confirm.

I was scheduled for a biopsy on October 9th late in the afternoon. I had been waiting for this appointment for 3 weeks and was looking forward to finally knowing what was going on.

Being a Franciscan, I went to the Bascilca on the Feast of St. Francis, October 4, to be with my fellow Francicans and hear the amazing music sung by the choir. I had Kate and Claire with me and during the Mass. The spasms became worse and the pain was making me sweat. Before communion,I prayed. I had never asked for the pain to be taken away; only to know what was the source. I prayed and remembered how much Francis suffered and spoke some of his best preachings while dying.

I don't usually make deals knowing that it doesn't work that way but I thought I'd give it a try. Francis, Jesus, God My Father, Can I please just have a day or two with out pain? I promise I will not give up finding out what is wrong with me and follow whatever the doctors say to do.

After some wonderful fellowship down in the hall, I was leaving and several of Paul's prayer warriors (most very sweet but some are very heebie jeebie to me) caught up to me and asked if my results had come in. I explained that the test were changed to the 9th. I didn't even know they knew that I had been ill. They all wished me well and I quickly tried to escape before I had to answer more questions about my bladder. Bladders are really uncomfortable to talk about. :-)

I thought I made a swift get away when one of his prayer warriors (that actually bothers him too at times), ran up to me with holy oil and said that she wanted to annoint me. My heart felt heavy and as stiff as a rock. Kate and Claire looked up at me like I better say yes. I'm not too comfortable with annointings in the parking lot and yet alone someone I don't want touching me- touching me. (What the hell, I thought)

She held my hands and made the sign of the cross on my forhead, heart and hands. Her prayer was so heartfelt and she asked the Holy Spirit to lift my burdens. When she was done, I guess I just stood there. I was so at peace and yes still in pain but I knew something happened.

I gave her a giant hug. Not a sissy hug. A hug that sucks the breath out of one. I said, "Thank you. I love you for caring and being God's instrument." ( I did one of those shake your head things and thought-- did I really say that? Did I just hug her? Did I just give her permission for the rest of my life to hunt me down in a parking lot and annoint me?)

I went home. Paul was out of town and that night I said my night time prayers and Thanked God for the wonderful day and said I look forward to tomorrow.

I woke up the next morning pain free and didn't experience any pain until last Thursday, November 5th. A month later. Needless to say the docs weren't able to do the biopsy and won't unless this episode lasts longer than 2 weeks but I had a month of no pain.

I also learned that we don't always get to choose who is God's instrament. Humility can go a long way. I have been reduced to be humble in so many ways this school year and I think that it will be a good thing.

Thank you God for all your acts both that I readily see and those that I have to humble myself to recongnize.